As more and more families are personally witnessing the sting of its wrath, and amid escalating numbers, city officials across the nation are desperately struggling to contain the pandemic.
Especially in areas hit the hardest, local health officials are pleading with people to follow the prescribed health guidelines at all times. “Don’t take even the slightest chance,” they’re saying.
These types of warnings are what we expect to hear, but if you happen to be a resident of Seattle, King County, Washington, you’ve listened to your homegrown health folks offering a tad bit more advice than the usual hodgepodge of recommendations.
The so-called health experts in Seattle would prefer for residents throughout the county to lock themselves in their houses and not let anyone else in. They’ve advised against all holiday travel and any type of gathering among friends and families.
But being the kind-hearted liberals they proudly wear the title of, they certainly do not want any of their younger and unmarried population to have to go without having sex over the ho-ho-holiday season. Perish the thought. Young people have needs.
Determining the best methods for young thighs to safely slap between the sheets is such a major concern, officials took to the pages of Instagram to offer full instructions on doing it right. Their fear is that if the virus can attack a body via tiny little droplets, the act of casual traditional sex will increase the chances of infection by ten-fold.
Seattle’s health department has posted a series of intriguing videos on the social media site under the collective title “Sex & Dating During COVID-19.” The videos are of text messages between two horny twenty-somethings chomping at the bit to continue a healthy sex life, but at the same time not wanting to get sick or even possibly die.
One video in the series recommends cybersex. It shows one of the texters frantically pounding a keyboard with his friend-with-benefits. Followed by a winking emoji, his text reads, “But there are other ways we could ~connect~” He then suggests they sign on to Zoom for a little “visual fun.”
Another video encourages using “creative ways to have safer sex” during COVID. This of course involves the use of either store-purchased adult toys, or perhaps something just laying around that would do the job well. Lots of things could have multiple uses by using your imagination.
In one of the more humorous videos, though not intended to be funny, one of the texters says they need to run to Lowes to pick up a shower curtain. The purpose is to do what the video suggests by cutting a hole in the curtain, directly in front of the lower extremities, and have one person stand on each side of it. Yeah, boy!
Who really knows if the advice is being taken seriously, but shower curtain or not, this is not the most disturbing part. If two people want to have safe sex they’ll figure it out on their own.
While King County residents are being warned to stay away from society, not to travel, and not to gather in groups for fear of killing their grandparents, they haven’t given any advice concerning how these things could actually be done in a safe manner. Instead, they’re outright being told to stay home for holidays, unless, that is, their uncontrollable sexual desire forces them to wander out on occasion.
The first thing the officials got wrong is that shoppers head to Target and not Lowes for a shower curtain. But what they really missed was the fact that, warnings or not, people are going to travel for the holidays.
So would it not have been better for King County to be more concerned with offering safety advice to those who will travel and gather anyway. It would seem like this is where the greatest spread would come from more so than two young people figuring out how to get it on.